The past two weeks have pretty much just been miserable. Life without Axell has left me feeling empty and lonely. Poor Levi keeps saying her name and waves at every dog he sees on TV or in a book. He is just confused as to why she’s not here anymore, and misses his sister ):
I’ve always known that I would get another dog when I was ready, but came to realize that if I waited till I was ready- then I would never have another one. This past weekend I decided that I wanted for us to go look at a few puppies. I was really conflicted about it, and it didn’t totally feel right- but I thought it might help. I found a breeder about an hour away who had a 5 week old litter of boxer pups. I was nervous the whole way there, but as soon as we walked in and I saw those pups, my heart broke in a good way. Each and every puppy in that litter was beautiful, and I had no idea what to do! While sitting down in the floor, a sweet little girl came over to me, crawled on my lap and gave me a kiss. She was the one.
I didn’t think I would feel a connection with any of the puppies, but I definitely did with that pretty girl. She stayed with me pretty much the whole time and I told Stu that my mind was made up and she was the one I wanted. This Saturday we get to pick up our Ruca…
Finding Ruca was really bittersweet for me. I truly feel like she is the pup for us and that I was meant to find her. At the same time, it breaks my heart that I am even having to get a new dog- because I want Axell back. I miss everything about that girl and think about her every second of the day. Honestly I think having Ruca will keep my busy and help me cope with Axell being gone. I have a big heart and while it feels like a huge chunk of it has been ripped out- I think a piece of it will always be reserved for a pup.
After the horrible past few weeks and the drama that I have had to deal with involving the vet hospital (that’s a story for another day), I am just ready to smile. Meeting Ruca has made me feel like things will get better and with time I will be able to deal with Axell being gone better. She is absolutely 100% not a replacement for Axell and no dog ever will be. But I am pretty certain I will love Ruca in her own special way (:
