Anyone who even remotely knows me, hell even you guys who regularly read my blog, know that my dog Axell was my everything. I have a husband that I love in a certain way, and I have a son that I love in a certain way- but my love for Axell was special. In fact I never even really considered her a dog, she was my child, my best friend and my baby.
That girl has been my world for the 4 years that I have had her and I never imagined a day where she would not be with me. Unfortunately that day came Tuesday. The day that I now can look back on as the worst day of my life.
Tuesday morning I knew something was wrong with her. She was acting lethargic and seemed very weak. I immediately called Stu and told him to rush home, dropped Levi off with my mom and took her to the vet. After blood work and multiple tests, the only thing that the Dr. could tell us was that her blood pressure was very low and that she needed to be put on fluids. The words “heart disease” were brought up but quickly ruled out by an EKG. After a few hours I had to leave my girl there where she stayed the remainder of the day hooked up to an IV. I worked at the vet office that she was at and was comforted by the fact that she was with familiar faces- and a particular vet tech who I personally love and who loved Axell.
The whole time I was away from her that day I was a wreck. I sat and stared at my phone and cried, so worried about my baby girl. I couldn’t do anything other than just think about her and pray that her blood pressure would rise and that she would be okay. I talked with the vet tech a few times and around 4:00 they finally got a read on her blood pressure, and while still low it was looking better. I was told that I could come pick Axell up at 6:00 and that she could come home. When I got there I went back into the lab and talked with the Dr. and got to see Axell. She was so happy to see Stu and I and did seem a lot perkier. The only thing the Dr. could think of was that she had some type of GI problem that we caught early on- however she didn’t really know or every say for sure.
We left that vet hospital with a prescription, a probiotic for her stomach and a happy girl.
We stopped by my parent’s house to pick up Levi. Axell was so happy to see my parents, Levi and our family dog Chouli (who was Axell’s best friend). AFter about 10 minutes we got into the car and made the 5 minute drive home. Before I could even get her into the house I knew something was wrong. She would barely get out, and her usual pinkish skin was white. I got her inside and tried to feed her something, hoping that maybe she was just weak from not eating- she wouldn’t eat it. Stu went upstairs to get Levi ready for bed and I called my mom and said we have to take her somewhere, that she doesn’t look good. The vet that my mom uses has a 24 hr emergency and I knew she needed to go there. My mom came and picked me and Axell up and we rushed her there. The Dr. took one look at her and knew it was bad- and at that point I did too.
Bare with me on this next part because it’s really hard to type….
Long story short her platelet levels were so low that the Dr. knew she had to be bleeding out internally somewhere. She did an ultrasound and found that my sweet girl had a tumor in her spleen that had ruptured and she was in fact bleeding out. She called all the other Dr’s who came and said that her only chance was immediate surgery, but that she was in such bad shape she might not make it. However, if we didn’t attempt it- she wouldn’t make it through the night.
The next little bit for me is a blur. The bottom line is she didn’t make it. My sweet sweet girl died on an operating table at 5 years old.
To say this has been the hardest thing that I have ever had to deal with would be an understatement. I keep praying this is all a bad dream that I am going to wake up from and that Axell is going to be laying there in bed with me when I wake up every morning. I never could have imagined the loss I would feel or how alone I feel without her here. At this point I don’t really know what to do. I am miserable and just trying to get myself together for Levi. Thank God for my mom who has helped me out so much with him, for Stu who is being stronger than I can even fathom, to my dad who is the one who always can say the right things to me and to all of my friends who have been there for me and checked on me every day.
To be honest I considered deleting my blog, because I’ve just felt so down that I didn’t think I would ever have anything to write about or positive to say again. But after a week of not even opening my computer and thinking about it- the last thing I want to do is delete my blog. This is the thing that I have made some TRUE friends through, and that really means something to me. So bear with me over the next few weeks when I figure out what to do with myself, but thank you for everything.
I have some pictures from her last few days, but just can’t handle looking at them right now. This is the last picture I have of me + her together and I will cherish it for forever.
If you want to read a happier post I wrote on Axell you can read it HERE
